I hate how I look: am I really that fat?
I’ve just looked in a mirror …. I am horrified. Quickly ran to my computer to look at pictures taken recently. Wow. I cannot believe how awful I look.
I have been in denial about my weight for so long, that I don’t think I’ve actually looked at myself, REALLY looked at myself, for a couple years. Talk about denial! How did I not notice how terrible I looked?
When pictures were taken at an event, I’d just glance at them and pass them out of my reach. I look at myself in a the bathroom mirror and just get a glimpse at my face, never looking into the full-length mirror in the hall until I’m completely dressed.
But I’ve been inspired on my journey to want to take a real “Before” picture so that I can do a side-by-side photo comparison when I reach my weight goal. I decided to get in my skivvies and take a full-body picture I can use as my before. I posed in front to the mirror and ACCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! I was honestly shocked. I knew intellectually I was morbidly obese, but to actually look at my bulk in all its overflowing gory glory? Wow.
I know I’m making progress, but I really don’t see it when I now actually, truly look in the mirror. I’m going to have readjust my mental image with my actual current image. I’m mentally looking worse now than I have mentally looked in the past.
I cannot really say that this new mental insight is inspirational. It’s still too terrifying to me.
I have to keep plugging away. I have to stick to this plan. And somewhere along the way my brain will eventually catch up with my body.
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Jo at Toastmasters District ContestThis is a video of Jo Davidsmeyer competing at the 2010 District 47 Toastmasters Contest for Table Topics. This is an impromptu speech -- you are given a topic that you hear for the first time in front ot the audience, and you must immediately begin speaking. Hope you enjoy it!