Posts by: Jo Davidsmeyer

Well, I’m 51 days into my journey and I’ve had my first really bad choices day. Went 285 calories over my daily limit. I know, not the end of the world. But I made bad choices for mid-day snack and bad choices for dinner. I could have easily made better choices and stayed within my calorie limit for the day.

And a shame, too. Because I made good choices for lunch. I had brought my lunch (lettuce, tuna salad, carrots), but there was a buffet lunch provided at school. I skipped past the bad choices there, and made myself a lovely yogurt parfait: strawberry yogurt, fresh fruit, and a small amount of granola. More calories than I planned for lunch, but a healthy choice.

I had planned to have two ounces of aged English cheddar cheese for my afternoon snack. But that was when I had planned to have my light-calorie lunch. Once I’d made that lunch change, I should have shifted plans and skipped the cheese. It would have been easy to change, since I had my uneaten lunch. I could have easily substituted the carrots from lunch. That would have put me “even”, calorie-wise, for my plans for the day. And considering I really wasn’t very hungry at snack time, the carrots would have easily satisfied me.

Strike one for the day.

Tuesday is Trivia Night at Wings and Things. I usually plan ahead to have one of my favorite bar food, leaving plenty of leeway calories. Tonight I had planned on having chicken wings. But, I was up in terms of calories from lunch and up from y midday snack. Did I alter my plans and have a lesser calorie, but equally enjoyable, bar item? No, of course not. I had the wings. Did I forego the blue cheese dressing (which would have kept me within the calories of the day)? Of course not.

And here’s my take away for the day. Lesson learned: don’t be married to my “plan” for the day. If I make one change, then I have to re-evaluate the entire day BEFORE I eat anything further. Regardless of my planning, I still have to be flexible. Next time, I need to make smart choices ALL day.

Tomorrow is another day. Shake it off and continue on.

 

I am now fifty days into my journey, and I have taken a few stumbles. My great plan to go cheap and active is a shambles. I have been walking in the evenings, trying to extend my time and increase my pace. Well, I stretched something — I think I have done some major damage to my left knee. Granted, my left knee has been bothering me for about a year, but now, I have really aggravated it. I’m limping all the time, and when I wake up in the morning, I can barely put my weight on it.

Yes, I have an appointment to see my doctor. In mentioning what I was doing for my weight loss, she said good work on the diet, stop the evening walking. (Gee, who would have thought that all the disclaimers that say to consult with your doctor before starting any exercise program is really good advice.) She said if I was to continue exercising (which she recommended), to do low-stress activity on my knee — no treadmill. She did recommend an elliptical. Which means, alas, I need to join a spa or gym.

Achhh!  Having to work out where other people — thin people, fit people — congregate. Horrors! I’ll be stared at, laughed at, chased out by the beautiful people: all my worst nightmares coming true.

Putting aside the paranoid fear, I joined a gym. Oooooh, that sounds so unlike me. A “gym.” Isn’t that for people serious about exercise? Jocks, muscle men, body builders? That’s not me. But the gym was cheaper than the spa, closer to home, and had extended hours. So I now am a member of YouFit gym. Me fit? Ummmm, not yet.

My first night, I went with my little towel over the shoulder, my old Dasani plastic water bottle (which I’ve been refilling for months), and fear in my heart. I kept telling myself that the fat police would not kick me out of the gym. The fit and beautiful would not be offended by a fat old broad in their midst. As I climbed onto the elliptical, I kept telling myself no one cared that I was there. Everyone was focused on themselves, and no one would be staring, pointing, and laughing at this obese invader. I kept my eyes down on the display; that awful display that seemed to have a broken clock, surely the seconds were actually registering minutes. But I kept going and, making sure my knee wasn’t being strained, kept pushing my heart rate up to good aerobic levels.

After a pitifully short amount of time, I knew I had reached my limit for a beginner and climbed down. I surveyed the gym to make sure nobody was staring and laughing. I didn’t catch anyone in the act. Drenching my little towel in brow sweat and downing the last drops from the bottle, I headed for the door, trying to make eye contact with no one. I was nearly to the door, glad that my paranoia was unfounded — nobody cared that I was there. No one was watching me.

Tap … tap.

I turned around at the woman who was tapping my shoulder. “Hi,” she said, “aren’t you a teacher at Pine View?”

A mother and daughter were looking at me. Checking me out. Well, at least they weren’t pointing and laughing. We chatted for awhile and talked about Pine View and the new school the daughter was attending.  I told them I had just started at the gym, and they recommended I try the circuit training. He-he-he. Yeah, right, A circuit designed to do step-ups in between each machine? Oh, that’s a great thought for a bad knee. In parting, I thanked them for their suggestions and, lying, said I hoped to see them again at the gym and made my exit. Don’t get me wrong, they were very sweet. It’s just, I don’t really want to run into anyone I know when I’m exercising.

I had been telling myself that no one was watching. I was wrong. I wasn’t being paranoid after all. Okay, maybe I was a little paranoid. But, as they say, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t actually watching you.

 

I gave it several weeks, but alas, I have opted to return my beautiful EatSmart digital scale. I was so excited to join the 21st century and get an EXACT measure of my weight. I have been jealous of those people who are actually logging their weight down to the tenth of a pound. On my old, trusty and rusty mechanical scale, I can only see whole pounds (sort of).

I was so happy to unpack that beautiful, modern EatSmart scale. Gorgeous! High tech! and, in my case, completely unreliable. On the website it is very clear that you have to place the scale on a flat, hard surface. I figured that would be no problem, as I don’t have any carpeting in my house, only tile. Alas, the tile I have is a textured. I could not find a single place in the home that would give me consistent reads on the scale. I had kept my trusty and rusty old scale as a comparison, as well as comparing to my weight at the local grocery store. I was consistently losing on both of those scales, but not on the EatSmart.

How I hated boxing up that beautiful scale. So many people have great success with that scale. I’m just not one of those people. Pity, I really wanted to track a more accurate weight. Does anyone know of a digital scale that would not be affected by a textured floor?

 

 

“School days, school days Dear old Golden Rule Days. Reading and ‘Riting and ‘Rithmatic …..”  And buffets, and snacks, and brunches, and morning donuts. It’s back-to-school, but not back to the old eating habits. As I type this blog entry, I am proud to say I survived the first two weeks back at school and am still on my journey into my new lifestyle. Of course, I am exhausted, my feet hurt, my knees are aching, and I’m behind on my lesson plans, but that’s normal for the first two weeks. What’s NOT normal for me is that I have not once succumbed to the siren call of the morning donut or the afternoon fast food drive-through.

The first week back was just for teachers (no students). The week is always filled with a variety of meetings: staff, department, PLC, and professional development. And  each one usually features some sort of food. The first morning was the annual welcome back staff meeting, with the traditional breakfast buffet. The night before I was nervous about it. But I planned ahead. I know that pastries and donuts are one of my greatest temptations. I had gone cold-turkey on them when starting my journey. I had gone 30 days without any pastries or anything made from flour. I decided the night before returning to the temptations of the breakfast buffet, that I would break my pastry-fast, but do it on MY terms.

The night before, I opened up a single serving of yellow pound cake from Nutrisystem. I had portion control and knew how much I was eating: a lovely 160 calories. I put the pound cake in a bowl and poured a half cup of blueberries over the cake. I put all in the microwave for one minute. The blueberries became a beautiful chunky syrup that seeped into the pound cake. I topped all with two tablespoons of Redi-whip and sat down to a glorious indulgence. Oh, yum! It was so delicious and so wonderfully sweet from the blueberries.

I went to bed and felt primed to face the buffet the next day.

At the buffet was the usual spread: donuts, cinnamon buns, muffins, scrambled eggs, sausage links, fresh fruit. My planned indulgence from the night before did the trick. I looked at the pastries, figured in my head how many calories just one would be, and realized that if I really wanted pastry again, I could wait until I got home and have my portion-controlled, calorie-controlled dessert. Once I made that decision, it was easy to fill my plate with better choices and mentally calculate the calories as I added each item to the plate. Strawberries, grapes, pineapple, eggs, and two sausage links.

As I joined friends at a table, I ate slowly and enjoyed my fruit and eggs. I saved the indulgence of the sausage links for last. I cut them up into little tiny pieces and ate the first one before the meeting started. I decided to leave the rest of the sausage bits for during the meeting, taking I bit every now and then. ….. Well, that was the plan. As the principal started speaking, a gentleman at our table got up to toss his plate and, being a true gentleman, he picked up the other empty plates from the table, including MINE and all my carefully cut up sausage bits.

And, do you know what I said and did when he picked up my plate?  Absolutely nothing. I can remember from the past when I would have reached out, taken the plate and said, “I’m not done with that.” Instead, on this day, I just gave in to the greater power that was keeping my calorie count down and mentally subtracted those sausage calories from the day. Now that’s progress.

I survived the similar challenges of the first week back. But my greatest victory came the following week, when the students came back. During the summer, you always lose your “teaching muscles.” You forget how to keep mentally sharp. Your feet and legs forget what it feels like to be standing all day. And you forget just how exhausting it is to be in-charge and positive all day. The last thing I want to do when exhausted is go home and fix dinner. So, guess what I did every night after school? I went home and fixed dinner. No matter how exhausted I was, I fixed dinner every night. Not one trip to the drive-through, not one phone call for pizza or Chinese delivery. For me, that’s a major victory.

I’m beginning to think that this time, I’m really on my lifelong journey out of obesity.

 

 

Tomorrow is back to school day. Summer is over and teachers must return to their everyday lives. And return again to the temptations of the workplace. The donuts in the mail room, pastries in the teachers lounge, and, of course, the non-ending fund-raisers of chocolate bars, pizza parties, and bake sales. Yikes! Lord deliver me from temptation.

I started my weight loss journey a month ago, during my summer break. I won’t say it’s been easy to make this lifestyle change, but I did have the advantage of not being surr

ounded by my usual go-to diet breakers. Now I have to face the daily realities of working with “normal” people who are going about their normal lives, which may or may not include making healthy choices regarding food. I doubt most are logging every morsel of food they put in their mouths. Now, I think I begin my real journey, that of returning to the real world with my new lifestyle choices.

And I’ll be honest, I’m worried. Do I have the strength of commitment to continue this journey? Do I have the confidence to reinforce my new “habits” and avoid the old ones? How much will I miss those angel-creme donuts with the sprinkles? And now that I don’t have time to prepare fresh breakfasts and lunches, will I fall back into the habit of grabbing something on the go?

Part of the fear is fueled by past failures. For the last two years, in the Spring my school has sponsored a Biggest Loser competition among the faculty. We would form teams and do weekly weigh ins. Both years, I failed to lose weight. Now, I’m returning to that environment of failure.

I so fervently hope I have now made that mental change necessary to keep me going. I’m not “dieting”, I’m changing my life. And I have the support of online friends to turn to for inspiration. (Still haven’t told most of my non-virtual friends about my journey.) And, I have the greater fear of what will happen to me and my life if I don’t make this new lifestyle a permanent one.

So, back to school. But not back to old habits. Wish me luck!

“Be not anxious for what you shall eat, or what you shall drink … or what you shall wear … Isn’t life more than food? … and the body more than clothing?” ~ Luke 12:22; 29

 

 

I’ve just looked in a mirror …. I am horrified. Quickly ran to my computer to look at pictures taken recently. Wow. I cannot believe how awful I look.

I have been in denial about my weight for so long, that I don’t think I’ve actually looked at myself, REALLY looked at myself, for a couple years. Talk about denial! How did I not notice how terrible I looked?

When pictures were taken at an event, I’d just glance at them and pass them out of my reach. I look at myself in a the bathroom mirror and just get a glimpse at my face, never looking into the full-length mirror in the hall until I’m completely dressed.

But I’ve been inspired on my journey to want to take a real “Before” picture so that I can do a side-by-side photo comparison when I reach my weight goal. I decided to get in my skivvies and take a full-body picture I can use as my before. I posed in front to the mirror and ACCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! I was honestly shocked. I knew intellectually I was morbidly obese, but to actually look at my bulk in all its overflowing gory glory? Wow.

I know I’m making progress, but I really don’t see it when I now actually, truly look in the mirror. I’m going to have readjust my mental image with my actual current image. I’m mentally looking worse now than I have mentally looked in the past.

I cannot really say that this new mental insight is inspirational. It’s still too terrifying to me.

I have to keep plugging away. I have to stick to this plan. And somewhere along the way my brain will eventually catch up with my body.

 

 

Climacophobia, it’s not a fear you see mentioned often. Climacophobia is the fear of climbing stairs. As an obese person, stairs are a great challenge for me. One of my great “wake up” moments about my weight came a few months ago. I’m a member of Toastmasters and our latest meeting was rescheduled to a location I had never visited before. The meeting was at a neighborhood clubhouse. When I arrived, to my horror, I discovered that the meeting was upstairs and that the elevator was out.

As I stood at the foot of those stairs looking up (and up and up), I quaked in fear. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had climbed a flight of stairs. I was actually trembling as I grabbed both rails and started up the stairs, using my arms to pull me up each step. My heart was pounding with each step. My legs felt like they couldn’t hold me. My knees felt empty and hollow.  I had to pause often up that one flight of stairs. As I got to the top, I was gulping for air. I had to hide myself in the bathroom to collect myself — I didn’t want any of my friends to see my shame.

The worst part was knowing that I had to go down them again. If you’ve never been in such sad shape as I am, you may not realize that going down stairs causes more pain than going up. According to Medline Plus, every pound of extra weight you carry puts five pounds of pressure on the knees when walking down stairs. Being morbidly obese, that’s a lot of pressure on the knees. Or you can calculate the stress on the knee when descending stairs as 3.5 times your body weight.  So, I was putting over 1,000 pounds of stress on my knees.

Ow!

I made my excuses at the meeting, saying I had to leave early before the end of the meeting. My early departure was to cover the extra time I would need to climb down the stairs. I wanted no one to see the pain of my slow progress down one step at a time.

Relativity

But that was then, this is now. I had a major NSV the other day (that’s a non-scale victory).

I was attending a performance of Circus Sarasota at the Asolo Theater with a group from my church. I had car-pooled with a friend who had her two grandsons with her. The tickets were for general seating. And as we arrived, there were few seats downstairs where the little ones could see well. My friend suggested checking the seating  upstairs, and I said, “Great idea, let’s check it out.” I climbed the stairs to the first balcony, looked around and up, and saw that there were unobstructed seats one more flight up. “Let’s go to the next balcony, there’s empty seats right in the center, the boys will have a great view.” I started to lead them up to the next level when I stopped dead at the foot of the next stairs.

Instantly I flashed back to that Toastmasters meeting and was about to make my excuses. Until I realized, “Wait, I just climbed a flight of stairs. I’m not winded. I’m not in pain.” I had not even thought about my fear of stairs just moments before. I had gone up the stairs, unthinking, just like one of beautiful people of this world. I must have really puzzled my friend as I turned to her with a broad grin and said, “Yes, let’s go up to the next balcony. Follow me!” And I started laughing like a madwoman as I climbed the stairs, nearly running — which wasn’t too smart of me, because I was somewhat winded when I made the top of the stairs, but I was still laughing as I led my friend and the two kids to the prime seating in the front row.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that I have been forcing myself to do step aerobic exercises. I force myself by putting the step across the entryway to the bathroom. Before I can “go,” I have to step. At first, I just stepped over. Slowly I added short routines. After a week, I added a riser. Now, I do at least a five-minute routine on the step before entering the rest room, where, by that time, I really do need to rest.

I didn’t think I was really making much progress. But my body and my subconscious knew better than I how much stronger I had become. Without thinking at the circus, I performed my own amazing feat of daring by climbing that first stairway without even thinking. Granted, my knees screamed at me as we later walked down the two flights of stairs. But I was still laughing even though I hurt.

I think my Climacophobia may be gone.

 

Today I took the plunge: I actually told my family and close friends that I am changing my life and changing my eating habits. I know what you’re probably thinking, how can it be a secret when I’m publicly blogging about it? I simply never had any fear of my friends and family stumbling on this blog. They do not web surf.

At my prayer group, I opened up to my two cursillista sisters what I was doing. Then, after my prayer group, I went and told my parents. I was loath to share this with anyone. They’ve been through this before with my many, many attempts to lose weight. The last few attempts I didn’t tell anyone about, because I didn’t want to have to face them when I failed yet again. And I did fail, and fail, and fail.

But this time I am not dieting. I am changing my life. And I will succeed. And this time I am doing something different. I am asking for help from my friends and family. Even more, I have given them permission to both support and bully me. I hope I won’t live to regret this, because these people can be real pushy and annoying. I still can’t believe I actually gave them permission to annoy me.

It is nice to have a support system (even an annoying one). And I have to keep in mind my greatest support system.

“You satisfy me more than the richest of foods.”  Psalm 63:5
“For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” Psalm 107:9

Keeping my journey a secret was a lack of faith on my part. I know that if I failed, I could do so without the shame and embarrassment with my loved ones. Now, I am truly committed to this path. There’s no chance of me failing at my diet this time, because I’m not on a diet. I’m on a journey. Thanks, readers, for sharing a bit of that journey with me.

 

I have spent many a long year with my bathroom scale. It is an antique — literally. It was my grandmother Yost’s scale in her old Florida home, before she moved in to the retirement home. I think she bought it years before she moved down to Florida. It’s one of those old-fashioned heavy steel scales.

We grow used to our ways. I’ve started every morning for decades with that rusty old scale — I never wanted to paint it or change it because it reminded me of my grandmother. The paint has chipped off and the matting has cracked, but it was my scale. And boy was it accurate …. as long as you didn’t move it.

So funny the attachments we have to items, and the memories that we cling to. I can remember the bathroom scale that was in the home I grew up in. The house was a 1950s tract home built on Long Island. It was a tiny two-bedroom, one-bath house when built. The bathroom was as tiny as possible, with no square inch wasted.

The bathroom featured a “Hall-Mack hideaway scale.” The height of ’50s technology! The bathroom scale was tucked away in the wall in a steel case painted silver-grey with a stainless steel frame and chrome handle. As a kid, I would stand barefoot in the bathroom, wrap my toes around the brushed chrome handle to pull down the spring-loaded door to reveal the hidden scale. What magic! When done weighing for the day (and done either crying or shouting for joy at the results), a little tap-kick up and the scale magically disappeared into the wall.

Why don’t they have things like this anymore? I recently saw one of these Hall-Mack hideaway units sell on eBay for $240.00, and it had 39 bids. I guess I’m not the only person nostalgic for these old units.

But, as I enter into my new lifestyle, it’s time to put behind these fond memories and get a scale I can actually depend on. There’s so many digital scales out there, it’s hard to know where to look when shopping. Having never had a digital scale before, I was amazed at the variety. I was surprised how many were glass-based. That worried me: at my weight, stepping on glass and not expecting it to break? That seemed like too much of a leap of faith.

After reading reviews on Amazon and suggestions on the community board of MyFitnessPal.com, I decided to spend some real cash and buy the Eat Smart Precision Plus Digital Bathroom Scale with ultra-wide platform. Yes, I need that ultra-wide platform. It also will weigh up to 440 pounds. I don’t need a scale to go that high, but it did allay my fears about the glass to know that I’d have to be over 440 pounds to endanger breaking it.

It has the step-up technology, which means you don’t have to tap it to wake it up before weighing yourself. Gee, I never needed scales needed to be woken? Grandmother’s scale never seemed to sleep. And if the concealed bathroom scale ever took a nap, you’d never know it. Once I found out about this advanced step-up technology (that wasn’t needed on mechanical scales), I knew I had to have it.

It also features REALLY BIG numbers, so I definitely don’t need my “readers” on to see how I’m doing. It’s nice, too, that the display is backlit so I can see the results (good or bad) without turning the  lights on. With grandma’s scale, I need very bright light to see the pound markings.

My new Eat-Smart scale worked straight out of the box and so far, so good. I’ve finally joined the 21st century in regards to weighing technology. It proudly boasts “four high-gauge Precision G sensors” (whatever they are) and sleek, ergonomic design.

But I still have my grandma’s scale. It’s nice to keep a bit of tradition around. And I wonder, like Grandma’s scale, will the new digital scale still be working 50  years later? Hmmmm.

 

Long, long ago, in a previous century, a soft drink company decided to launch a diet drink targeted toward women. Before this, only one other sugarless diet soda had been released. But this new product was from the mighty Coca-Cola. They weren’t 100% sure that the world was ready for a sugarless version of Coke, so they didn’t use the term “Coca-Cola” in the name — just in case the new soda turned out to be a bust.

Coca-Cola introduced the new drink, “TaB”, which helped ladies keep “tabs” on their calorie intake, in 1963. It became an immediate hit. I had my first TAB sometime in the late 1960s. That was the good old days when your diet drinks had sodium cyclamates (before being banned by the FDA as carcinogenic).

I drank TaB because TaB was for “beautiful people,” as their advertising proclaimed. The catchy theme song announced:

TaB, what a beautiful drink.
TaB, for beautiful people.
TaB, you’re beautiful to me.
Sixteen ounces has just one calorie.
TaB, what a beautiful drink.
You’re good and sugar-free.
TaB!

You can see several decades of classic Tab commercials in the video below. What memories these bring back!

I became a loyal TaB drinker after graduating from college. It was the only soda I would purchase. Back then, I would buy it in 16-ounce bottles and the girly pink carrying case. Later, I bought it in the two-liter bottles and poured it into my own TaB glass with the womanly curves. (I still have that TaB glass!) I showed product loyalty through the Saccharin warning labels, past the introduction of Diet Coke, and remained true to my brand right through the newest recipe re-formulation that added Nutrasweet.

TaB has been my drink of choice for over thirty years. If thirsty, I never bothered with water. I would joyously reach for my beautiful drink for beautiful people. Since I am not a coffee drinker, I start every day with my TaB to get my morning pick-me-up. I end my day with a TaB. In between, I’d reach for my beloved TaB four or six more times. Sometimes more. At 46.5 grams of caffeine per can, I was chugging back 372 grams a day.

I was going through life WIRED!!!!

Some studies indicate that consuming more than 300 mg caffeine per day can give you the “caffeine jitters.” And other nasty side-effects happen with too much caffeine: irritability, sleeplessness, even anxiety.

Often, when I couldn’t get a TaB, I’d go through the intense headaches of caffeine withdrawal. And, boy, would I get crabby.

As part of my new journey, last week, I went semi-cold turkey on my TaB. I have cut back from my 8 per day, down to one. And, yes, was I crabby, irritable, and aching from headaches. But the withdrawal passed pretty quickly.

Now, I have my one TaB in the morning. For now, I’m sticking to that. I’ve had a longer relationship with TaB than any man in my life. I still need to jump-start my day with my beautiful drink.

 
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